the clog

Help for the hopeless...

Yes, that's right. I, Rumoku, have finally decided to impart some much needed wisdom to the masses. Most of the advice/observations are the result of careful scrutiny of the world around me. Some of what I am about to reveal to you may be downright shocking and difficult to believe. However, for the sake of humanity you must accept it as an unalienable truth. So, without further ado...

RUMOKU'S KEEN ADVICE!

1. It will always rain shortly after you wash your car. Unless you live in the desert, in which case a heavy wind will blow sand all over your hard work.... What I'm trying to say is that nature abhors clean cars. Accept this as a fact (plus you must remember that this is in keeping with the second law of thermodynamics...which says (in layman's terms) that everything goes to shit)...

2. Scratching your crotch in public is not, contrary to belief, a sure fire way to attract wimmen. In most cases you'd get disgusted looks. In some cases you might even get mauled. You have been warned. However, if you are an uber hot woman (or wommon, depending on how politically correct you want to be) you might be able to pull it off. More research is needed. Therefore, if there is any hot wommon reading this blog entry please feel free to contact me so that we can start a proper scientific experiment...

3. Pulling out your nosehairs in public is also a turnoff. No matter what your sex is (trust me on this one).

4. Rubbing your nipples is also a no no (again, unless you're a hot wommon... you can test it out if you don't believe me).

5. You are not as clever as you think you are. Also, you're not as stupid as you think you are. The natural fluctuation of commonsense and intelligence assures that this remains true. This explains why there are smartalecs and why no one appreciates your astute observations on why tea leaves will always tell the truth...

6. Tea leaves do not tell the truth or the future. Deal with it. If you really need to see the future, a good bowl of milk works wonders. Plus, at least you're not wasting tea, you Philistine.

7. Learning a new language or having the ability to speak something other than your mother tongue will instantly transform you into a bon savant (lit. trans: clever dick). And it also turns on chicks.

8. IF this wasn't apparent already I'll blatantly point it out: stupidity is NOT sexy. Therefore, you should always refrain from shoving unwanted advice down somebody's throat. Or talk about stuff you don't know about. Or shove talk you know nothing about down somebody's throat. What I'm doing right now doesn't count because nobody is forcing you to read this...

9. Knees and elbows don't bend both ways...unless you use specialized equipment (like bats, large rocks, metal pipes...etc.)

10. Girls dig bad boys but usually end up marrying the good guys. It's sick but true.

And there you have it. Of course, this isn't the extent of my collected observations. I just figured that if I gave you any more you might reach enlightenment and disappear in a puff of smoke because you realized that you might not actually exist. Thus proving Descartes correct and leaving me with one less blog reader.

Rumoku out!