the clog

Where can I get an unmarked gun?....WARNING: A little bit depressing...

Yeah, depressed again. No, I haven't been going through the world news or anything like that. I just realized that I have a month left before I have to go on holiday. Most of you would probably be like "what's the problem? Holidays are good you Nimcompoop!". Of course, most people don't get that I would be spending the holiday with...MY PARENTS (cue dramitic music...the one that goes DAN DAAAAAN. You remember. We used it in a couple of posts back). Yeah, I hafta spend an entire month with my parents in Switzerland. No, I'm not trying to rub your faces in it or anything. I really dread these holidays. I mean, while Bern is beautiful and all, it is actually quite dull (you get tired of it in, oh, about 3 days...if you walk around alot). But what I really dread are the questions that I get from my Mom. The ones that go like: So what are you doing with your life? or Have you gotten a Girlfriend yet? or Do you want me to arrange your marriage for you? and other things like that. Sure, I love the holidays and my parents but things like that make you squirm and wish YOU WERE IN SOME OTHER SKIN! There's also that pervading sense of guilt that I also failed their expectations.... That alone makes the whole holiday thing agonizingly long. I mean, let's do a check-off:

I'm still single
I've still yet to finish college
I've squandered my youth on foolish pleasures (no, no sex and drugs were involved...sorry).

Sure, it doesn't sound bad, but I haven't really done anything with my life. I mean, I have a good friend who's already getting ready to tie the knot. And he's about finished with grad school. I mean, he's got his life together. He knows where he's going. And if anybody thinks that he's too young to get married (he's about my age...23), then you really don't know this guy. He's one of the most anchored-to-reality type of guys that I know.

And that's the whole problem with the holidays, I guess. The endless guilt and shame. I mean, I don't mean to brag or anything, but I'm quite multi-talented. In terms of opportunities, God has given me quite a lot. I just have done nothing with those talents that He has endowed me with. I just don't know what I want out of life.... So yeah, I'm depressed again. Man, I hate/love the holidays.... No, I don't expect pity. I just wrote this thing as a catharsis-enabler-type thing...yeah, I'm trying to use catharsis more often in my daily vocabulary now. "Oh, can you please pass the catharsis. Thanks, it goes really well with this hubris and alienation...". Yeah, anyway. Do something with your life, readers. Know what you want. Just existing is no way to live....