the clog

An analysis of needles

Well, I went to get that blood test done and I managed to embarass myself swimmingly. Well, maybe not embarass. I didn't really make a fool of myself. It was more of an affirmation that my body is not quite like everybody elses. Y'see, what happened was that when the doctor tried to draw my blood NONE WOULD COME OUT!

The doctor then says, "Hm, that's strange. You don't suffer from anemia do you?".
"No, just an acute fear of needles," I reply.
"Oh, that's unfortunate. I think we'll need to try another vein," he says.
"I don't suppose I have a say in all this?"
"None whatsoever," says the doctor.

So instead of one needle puncture wound I end up with two. The funniest part was that as he was almost done drawing blood from the second artery blood starts welling up out of the first puncture point. And it wouldn't stop. Fancy that. Maybe my arteries are like car engines first thing in the morning (they don't fire up straight away). Anyway, when I'm all taped up I get up to leave. The doctor looks at me questioningly. The test wasn't over. He pointed to a little container. "Urine sample," he says. Ah yes, more humiliation. I mean, of all the demeaning medical procedures, peeing for a urine sample has got to be the worst. Some days you just can't seem to squeeze out enough to fill the blasted beaker/container. Other days you just can't seem to stop. I hate those days. You just pray you don't wet yourself in the process (or the outside of the container either...that would just be stupid). Fortunately, it was not one of those days. With that the test was officially over.

As I left the clinic I began to wonder what all the fuss was about. The fear of needles, I mean. I'm scared stiff of needles. But it wasn't even that big a deal. Then I remembered The Exorcist. And then it all hit home. That movie has got to be the singular reason for my misplaced fears. God, I remember it like it was yesterday (actually, it was two days ago. I watched the movie again (for the, what, 12th time?) last Friday. Hey, it's a good movie). Anyway, the scene that creeps me out the most was not where you see the Devil take over the body of the child or anything like that. Bah, I've become desensitized to such mundane scare tactics (what a fib). No, the part that scared me was the scene where doctors were trying to "cure" the hapless girl of her "condition". They stuck a needle in the girl's neck and unattached the rest of the syringe (leaving only the needle) so that the blood would flow freely from the brain. They reasoned that she had a lesion in her brain and that they could bleed it out, thus curing her. So the girl was transformed into a human water fountain. I don't mind watching people blown up or have their bodies mangled by tractors or the like, but that scene was horrific. You can't bleed out a brain lesion! It's physically impossible. What frightened me was the ineptitude of the doctors. That's not an accepted medical practice, is it? I mean, if I'm wrong someone please correct me. Bleeding out lesions? Horrific! And because of that I have always looked at needles in a different light. That and the nagging thought at the back of my head that the needles could go in all wrong, snap off and cause me to bleed to death. I know it's irrational but so am I (irrational that is)...sometimes anyway. Okay, most of the times...